Have I Failed at 27?

Everyone says this is a decade of possibility. You can meet the love of your life. You can change your financial course. You can spend all your money and travel the world. You can move anywhere. The possibilities are endless. And while trying to savor this decade, I can’t help but question - Did I fail? Did God forget about my dreams? If I think I’ve failed, what does that say about how I view God?

Sometimes on paper, it’s hard to decide. Did she succeed? In her late twenties, with a good job, and good community, in a city she dreamed of. But what about the things on paper that are missing? What would she say if she knew at 20 that she would be single at 27? No children? Not owning a home? Still learning how to budget? Still having questions in her faith? What would she think?

The noise and the comparison can be so loud that it is nearly consuming. Social media targets our insecurities, and suddenly I’m knee deep on a stranger’s engagement post on Instagram. Knee deep on a stranger’s TikTok about her journey freezing her eggs in her 30’s. Knee deep on someone’s macro journey. I look at those and think to myself, another failed measure of success. How did I even get here? On a stranger’s page?

There are huge life experiences I have gotten to have as a single girl in her 20’s. Moments I would not trade. But there have also been moments full of tears on the bathroom floor. Moments that feel so heavy I have been uncertain how I can bear them alone. I do a lot of things alone, I go to concerts alone, I go to coffee shops alone, and those are all great character building things, but what about when you have to drive to a funeral alone? What about when you make financial decisions and it’s all on you to decide? Is it another failure?

So what really counts? What would 20-year-old Rachel think?

I do think 20-year-old Rachel might gasp in discovery that she’s single at 27. I think she might raise her eyebrows that I won’t be a homeowner at 27. She might shake her head that she would claim she’s still learning to cook, but has a few solid recipes. She might question why 27- year-old Rachel reads multiple books at the same time. She might frown that 27-year-old Rachel gave up coffee after 12pm, because it ruins her sleep.

I also think she would be shocked at the community God has given her after college. She’d never believe she’s seen the Eiffel Tower. She’d never believe the Tennessee Vols beat Alabama and she was there to witness it. She’d be pretty confused on why she’s in tears sending her 20+ YoungLife friends off to college this year. She’d never believe how much she loves living across the street from a park, and in a neighborhood where she can walk to get margaritas. All of these things are evidence that God has not forgotten about me. If I look really closely at these sweet details in my life, I can’t help but whisper - don’t miss it.

I don’t think the measure of success is what I have or have not done. Success in this decade is accepting I won’t do everything right. I will fail a few times. The biggest success looks less like what I achieve and more like whether I was present. The bigger failure of this decade would be missing all of these moments that make up who I am, that make up my everyday life.

I think the issue we find ourselves in, in a chronically online generation, is that we can spend an entire decade measuring ourselves against milestones that aren’t even ours to have. What if we miss the milestones in our lives, because we are so busy looking at other people’s?

If you spend your life measuring and swiping you are at risk to miss your own life. You’ll miss the ordinary moments that aren’t an announcement on Instagram or on display in a Christmas card. In my opinion, those moments might be the most valuable. You’ll miss a simple Sunday night talking about God with your favorite high schoolers. You’ll miss running into a friend in the grocery store on a normal Saturday morning. You’ll miss the flexibility you have right now, traveling a bit too often. You’ll miss a patio Friday with friends having a sweet conversation about what God is doing in your life. What if every small moment holds a delightful gift of the season you are in?

And even as I read my own words, on my worst days I question if this is even true. Because this doesn’t end with a cherry on top for me. Yes, like any season of life there are hard days. Yes, there are moments I ask if God is holding out on me. Yes, there are things I still want in this life. Despite all the goodness, I catch myself on the slippery slope thinking, I haven’t saved enough, I haven’t traveled enough, I don’t have enough in retirement, I’m single, I’m childless - I’ve failed.

On those days, I think a bigger question exists.

If I think I’ve failed, or I’m behind, what does that say about how I view God? Do I think that’s true of him?

I’ve seen enough evidence of his kindness to know my flailing thoughts of failure do not ring true for him. He has shown me time and time again, through the right job at the right time, the right house at the right time, meeting the right friend in the right season that he is never late. If I believe God is good, and he is faithful, then I have to believe that is true in every aspect of my life. He makes no promises to only be faithful a few times, to only be steadfast a few times, to only be near a few times. If I do not believe he is faithful in one specific area of my life, then he is not faithful in any of it. Every bit of his hand in my life has to be true, the alternative is that none of it is true and I do not believe that.

So maybe at 27, I don’t have it all. Maybe I am still hoping deeply for a kind husband, or kids, or to be a homeowner. These things I want are still good things to want. I will keep asking, keep knocking, and continue hoping. I also will not take to the bed over everything I feel I am lacking. I want this season of my life to be full and fruitful too, and that means living it well.

For me, I have to pinpoint his faithfulness to remind myself, he will be faithful again. I think earlier in my 20’s, I would measure it by things I’ve earned. Now, I’ve realized it’s about none of that. It’s much more about how I choose to trust God in this season. Maybe that choice is the opposite of failing at 27.